Where did it all go wrong?
Things were amazing in the beginning. But somewhere along the line, you start arguing a little more, each time worse than the last.
You begin to question and blame yourself for their mistakes.
You think “Maybe I should change this about myself and they would treat me the way I deserve.
If I keep up on my appearance a little more, they will give me more time and attention.”
You figure,
- I’ve already invested so much time with this person.
- There is no way I’m giving up and letting someone else be with them and receive the things and time that I begged for.
- I don’t want to be alone.
So you stay and sit in the pain.
Hoping that things will get better, but they never do.
I know all of this because I was that person.
I did not value myself very much, therefore I accepted things that I never in a million years imagined I would… just because I loved that person & did not want to be alone.
The reason I am sharing this with you is because I don’t want you to sit in your pain like I did.
I want you to be free from it.
I want you to find clarity in your situation so that you can set the bar high for yourself and build better relationships.
Below are a few ways to determine if you might’ve lost sight of who you are.
1. You make excuses when they disrespect you.
“If I wouldn’t have done or said this, they wouldn’t have gotten angry and disrespected me, I will do better next time.”
If you have ever said or thought this, or anything like this, it is more than likely that you do not think very highly of yourself. I need you to know this:
Someone who loves and cares about you will respect you, even when they are mad. Their respect for you will not be dependent upon circumstance, it will be unchanging.
Getting upset with someone is normal but pay attention to what is being said when that person is angry. We all say things that we regret sometimes out of emotion.
But that is no excuse & you absolutely should not accept abuse in any form. Physical, mental, or emotional.
2. You stay with this person even though you are unhappy.
There is a saying that goes “Stay by yourself until you know you are choosing someone out of love and not loneliness.”
When there is a void inside of us, it is easy to try to fill it with things that distract us from our pain.
One of the most difficult parts of the healing process is facing ourselves. Facing past trauma and doing the work it takes to become a better version of who we are.
Instead we put a bandage over things that can only be healed from inside. Ask yourself, “Have I become dependent upon this person to fill the void that I feel inside?”
3. You look past things you normally wouldn’t.
The beginning of relationships are usually a time when all the cards are laid out on the table. We share our likes, dislikes, values, and deal breakers. We say things like,
“If you were to ever do this, I would absolutely leave the relationship. I will not deal with that.”
But what happens when this person crosses that line, and does the very thing you said you would never put up with?
You always said you wouldn’t tolerate it, but now you are invested.
They apologize, but deep down, you know things will never be the same. & instead of leaving the relationship, you stay, because now, you love this person and believe that you can work through it together.
I am not saying that you cant. But please keep in mind:
We teach people how to treat us.
We show them what we are willing to accept and they take their cue from us. If you choose to look past things and that person is genuinely apologetic for hurting you, then it is completely up to you on how you move forward.
However, do not look past things that you are not comfortable with just because you do not want to be alone.
Your self-respect is worth so much more.
4. You ignore the red flags and gut feelings
If something feels off about a person or situation. 9 times out of 10, it is.
I am a strong believer that gut feelings never, ever lie. Intuition is something each of us has that serves as a warning for when there is danger or pain ahead.
Do not ignore it.
Do not ignore the red flags that God shows you just because you want to see the best in that person.
When someone shows you who they are, do not attempt to repaint the picture of them to fit into what you want them to be.
Believe them the first time.
The people we choose to allow close to us are a direct reflection of how we feel about ourselves.
These are all things I’ve done and experienced. I am still trying to create a life of happiness that is not dependent upon the company of another person.
I want you to truly reflect upon the things I mentioned above and ask yourself if you are living in a space of denial and settling with someone because you do not want to be alone.
If you could relate to each of the points above, that is okay.
The fact that you have even gotten to this point in this post means that you WANT to be happy.
You want to be loved properly but most of all you want to love yourself properly.
Demand more because you deserve more.
We are deserving of people who reflect God’s love for us. You do not have to compromise who you are just so that you have someone to call your own.
It is better to be alone than to a live a life with someone who disrespects, hurts, or lies to you.
Daily Affirmations
I am deserving of a love that is respectful, genuine, soft, and secure.
I am loveable and worthy of love even on my worst days.
I will not compromise my self-respect to make someone else happy.
I deserve a love that doesn’t hurt all the time.
I will learn to love myself properly so that I can attract people who are genuine.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Imani says
This blog was such a nice read. Your tone is so soft, and I can tell you really care about what you’re saying. Your desire to see people fully and wholly loved is palpable and refreshing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us and creating this blog. Can’t wait to see more. 💛
Faye Wilde says
It is so lovely to see a fellow christian blogger out there. Your words reflect your faith, soft but firm and very true.
With love,
Faye
Alisha says
This blog was informative and I was going through a difficult situation. Thank you for opening your heart and mind into creating this wonderful blog. I think it’s important to learn to love yourself and people to respect each other.
Charlene says
Thank you for writing. I just recently got out a 6 year relationship that I just kept waiting for it to get better. It never did.
Ramona Wolter says
This is a beautiful website and things you’ve said I could relate to from my past when I felt just like this in a past relationship many years ago. Stayed for the kids and because I was afraid to leave. I know your website will help so many that have or are going through this. I feel these words coming from your heart. Can’t wait to see more postings. God bless you!
Jamila Cutting says
Love this ! Thank you for sharing, you write beautifully.
Ellissa says
Very nice read. Your blog site is beautiful and I will support you Sister. God bless.