Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I went to church with my family every weekend.
It was there that I met many of my childhood friends and received my first introduction to God and religion.
As I got older and life’s challenges began taking their toll, I made the decision to stop attending church.
It was during my freshman year of college that I felt the most disconnected from the teachings of my upbringing. I had an endless amount of questions about God, religion, and church.
I stopped praying and did not think God cared or even wanted to hear from me.
Why would He? (I thought) I was not going to church anymore and felt a deep sense of condemnation/judgement because of it.
I later decided I would unlearn every single thing I had learned or thought I knew about God.
I needed to find and learn about Him for myself.
What I've learned
God meets us right where we are. No matter how messy or unconventional our lives may look. It was in the depths of my pain, chaos, and anger that I saw God’s truly compassionate, loving nature for the first time in my life.
If you’ve been hurt by people who should have been a reflection of God’s love, but instead judged, condemned, and shut you out… please know that their actions and words do not reflect the way God feels about you.
He sees your heart, and would stop at nothing to be close to you.
I am sorry that people have led you to believe that God is simply waiting for you to mess up again so that he can punish you. Or perhaps you’ve messed up so many times that you have started to believe that God is ashamed of you and does not love you.
There is absolutely nothing you have ever done to make God love you less. He will never turn you away like people you’ve known in the past may have.
You do not have to pretend
Your relationship with God does not have to look or feel like anyone else’s.
He knows you better than anyone. God is already aware of how you communicate, how you speak, what makes you laugh, happy, angry, sad etc. You do not have to pretend with Him.
Most importantly, you do not have to have it all together before you can talk to God about what you are feeling and going through.
Close to the broken-hearted
If you have doubts, questions, or feel confused about who He is, that is okay. In fact, God wants you to tell Him exactly how you feel. The raw, honest, ugly truth. Don’t hold back.
Maybe you are in a space where you have lost your faith, or you feel as though it’s been so long since you’ve talked to God and you don’t know what to say… that is okay.
If you are unsure of where to begin, I encourage you to start exactly where you are. Talk to God like you would talk to a friend. It does not have to be “fancy” or complicated at all. 🙂
It is my belief that having a fulfilling personal relationship with God is what this journey is truly about.
It does not matter what people say or think about you. Especially the ones who have caused you to feel unworthy, unloved, and ashamed of who you are. God sees your heart & your tears.
You do not have to “earn” His love or approval. Because the way He feels about you will never, ever change.
As always, be blessed & remember that you are loved,
Derrick says
This is so gentle and a much needed reminder of God’s immense love for us. I’m so grateful that you have experienced His unfailing lovingkindness and that you model that in how you speak and love others. People need to know that He is accessible right now and that we are enough just as we are right now. Thank you for sharing and be blessed Ashley!
Ashley M. Johnson says
I am happy it resonated with you Derrick. God is love & that’ll always be the foundation of my message. Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts. 🙂